Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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