carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
