You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize