how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
