I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
