Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize