dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
