you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
