I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
