So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
