he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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