Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
