Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
