I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
