I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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