I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
