Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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