I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
