Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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