I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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