Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
