On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
