I must be too annoying 4 u.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
