So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
