i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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