Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize