According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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