I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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