i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
