; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
