I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
