ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
