i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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