i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
