You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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