If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
