i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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