I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize