i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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