Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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