I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
