I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Randomize