Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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