Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
