Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
