Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
