I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
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