and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am one with the molecules
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
