Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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