Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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