dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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