Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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