careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
