in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
