She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
