all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
