I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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