Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
