I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
