I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
