I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
