the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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