I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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