please come you make the beer taste better
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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