I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
