guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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