Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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