i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
