She's JV to your varsity
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Boobs speak an international language.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
