I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Operation Purity has been aborted
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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