Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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