then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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