Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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