saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
last night I used snow as a chaser
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
