We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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