I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I understand Curling. That high.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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