Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
