thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
