Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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