We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
