oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
