enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
