She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
