When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
